The problem with depression is that you don’t find much humor or you have trouble finding the words to express whatever the hell it is you’re feeling.
Due to complaints from my three measly readers, I have finally come up with a post.
After our trip to the beach and discovering my many embarrassments, my first being my gnarly toe, I had to edit my last post because some dude creeped me out on YouTube by commenting on my “toe” video and subscribing to my account. Since I mainly post videos of my kids, I decided to remove my “toe” footage and hoped the gentleman with the foot fetish didn’t return.
On to my second embarrassment: my pubes.
I don’t wax because my bikini area is minimal. Also, after having two very large boys, my vagina is droopier than it used to be and the little bit of pubic hair I have helps camouflage my aging twat. Besides, I was never a big fan of the “little girl” look. Occasionally, I’ll do a little “landscaping”.
The problem with bathing suit season is, with the slightest movement, I’ve suddenly got stray pubes sticking out the sides of my suit. So, I’m sitting on the beach trying to tuck my strays in as discreetly as possible, but I just look like I’m fingering myself while my kids are digging holes in the sand a few feet from me.
Over the weekend, our entire family made a trip to the beach and as we were getting ready, I began to grumble about my situation. Clayton handed me some clippers and told me to trim away. I was a little nervous, but figured the shorter the better.
1. Shorter wasn’t better. It’s the equivalent of growing your pubes in. It’s super itchy. So now, I permanently have my hands in my pants.
2. It didn’t solve my problem. I caught Clayton staring at my crotch at the beach.
“What?”
“You’ve got a few strays.”
“Shit, even after I trimmed?”
“You should trim with your swimsuit on.”
Huh?
I guess I should take the plunge and wax. I’m just terrified to unmask the beast.
maybe the Brazilian Jew can give a few pointers. Perhaps you could schedule a consultation?
I know a kid that can do it for 5 cents.
Nair.
Just take the plunge and wax. It grows in better and no itchiness. Just make sure you do it after your period, it’s less painful then…oh and take one of your migraine meds to kill any pain. Or better yet don’t take a med, maybe the migraine will take your mind of the pain of your pubes being ripped out.
My strategy is to insist my legions of stray hairs are ideological feminist statements, and that it’s not a case of me being too lazy, cheap and pain averse to get them all ripped out for any reason besides my man’s birthday.
There used to be a high school prank where Nair was poured into the school’s pool before a big meet.
i like to wash my face in a hairy kitchen sink